Since 2020 screwed with my sense of time, I haven’t been able to regain it. Because so many things have changed since I last wrote, I was sure it had been months – plural – since I’d written anything here.
Things are going suspiciously well again, with the exception of work. And even that’s not horrible most of the time. It just has the extreme potential for a sharp downturn at any given moment, and an established recent-history of doing just that.
My partner announced that he’ll be moving in once I’m out at the farmhouse. That took weeks of getting used to, but I’m there, and excited about it. I’m still pondering logistics, and also hoping for an adjustment period, so the cats can get acclimated to the new place first, and so I can settle into a new routine by myself. Progress continues on the farmhouse, which makes me feel better every time something new happens. I cannot wait to move, even though I’m not organized enough to do it yet.
After several talks, he offered monogamy, and for my mental health, I gratefully accepted. The lingering trust issues manifested in behavior that’s not me, and I didn’t like it. So this move takes it out of the equation for however long.
My mom is mentally slipping further away from us, and it’s heartbreaking. I can’t focus on this fact for very long, because it’s too painful, so I rarely talk about it. Maybe I need to build my tolerance for it. She and her twin sister turn 87 this year, and given the average age of death in their immediate family, I’m grateful that they’re both still with us.
My dad’s older brother and his wife, my uncle and aunt, passed away within 3 weeks of each other. She always said they were going to die together because they couldn’t bear to be apart, and it nearly happened that way. We didn’t end up going to either funeral, which makes me feel neglectful, but we were never as close to the two remaining cousins as my other cousins. I wish we could have been there, but it’s such a long drive, and my parents are fearful of Covid again. Which, they should be, for their own health.
And that brings me to a topic that’s going to have to be its own protected entry. Someday.