What is normal, anyway?

Every time I think I get a handle on what my new normal is, it changes. My adaptability skills are being tested, and I’m doing okay with that. It just takes some time for my brain to catch up to reality.

Everything is going suspiciously well. Work isn’t as frustrating as it was. My partner and I are ever closer. I got my food intake back to normal fairly well after the trip and all the eating out. I get to use an actual functional kitchen, even though I don’t know all the things in it yet. My pain levels haven’t been excessive, except an occasional morning. The only real problem I’m having is sleep.

But like I said, suspiciously well. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, and I have no actual reason to believe it will. It just feels like it should. I want to be able to trust in my happiness, and just enjoy it.

I’m not to the point of actively looking for things that are wrong or could go wrong. That’s positive. But I am still so cautious and tentative about things, and I don’t know how to stop. I feel like I need reassurance that it’s all okay, but I don’t want to ask for it. And I don’t want to need it.

Logical-me knows the reality of my life. Emotional-me is scared senseless but forging ahead anyway.

When I do get some reassurance, I hold onto it like it’s everything. Awhile ago, my partner said that I made him happy. That helps so much, and makes me happier in return. I just want to trust that something negative doesn’t have to happen because I’m so happy.


1 Comment

  1. You deserve to finally have a life that has reduced stress, reduced pain, and calm!

    Also… #werebae. That is all I have to say about that.

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