Brain Dump: Sleepless

For the first time in what feels like forever – in reality, since the onset of RA/fibro – I’m having trouble falling asleep. I have no trouble falling asleep on my partner while watching wonderfully weird tv, but settling down at bedtime is a different story.

At work:

  • I rewrote the Zoning ordinances – the 12th part of the ordinance book, and the 7th? 8th? part that I’ve rewritten entirely.
  • I have a Zoning Commission meeting Monday, in which I fully expect all the details I so carefully researched and worded to be picked apart.
  • Providing the rest of the commission can come to an agreement on it, I’ll have a report of our recommendations to write for the board meeting on the following Monday.
  • I edited a template of a drug and alcohol plan that should have been part of our employee handbook years ago, for compliance with state entities.
  • If I ever get done with the ordinances for codification, I’m going to tackle the employee handbook, which is frankly, bad, and in need of fixing.
  • Those state entities I mentioned are coming Monday to inspect said plan, training records, other compliance records, and probably more. (They know about my previously-scheduled zoning meeting, which can’t be rescheduled without significant delays.)
  • I just finished the budgets, of which there are two large, complicated budgets, complete with budget messages and simplified versions for publication, and then two more specific but completely different budgets for a different set of state entities.
  • I’m a third of the way through the aftermath of the unexpected February gas price increase. All the spreadsheets, thousands of calculations, and repeated editing of individual accounts. I still need to gather some data for board meeting notes.
  • The agreed-upon procedures we get instead of a full audit finally came in, with notes to remedy and other paperwork. We usually get it in October, but I’m presenting it alongside the budgets this year.
  • Also on the financial side of things, I just got and completed our new PCI compliance assessments and training. Three courses, passed with flying colors.
  • I got the school started on the scholarship essays, an annual occurrence, and also part of my next board meeting.
  • I was presented with an opportunity to get discounted premiums on our insurance policies, and had to find a way to pitch it to the board.
  • Yet another state entity recommended we apply to be part of the Tree City USA program, and so I rewrote the tree parts of ordinances to include qualifying regulations, and then found a way to pitch that to the board.
  • If they go for it, I’ll likely be running the tree board I had to create to qualify.
  • All of this is in addition to my usual day to day work of billing, deposits, filing, transferring financial data from one system to another, responding to all the inquiries/comments/complaints that come in, paying bills, keeping my coworker on track with what he needs to do, writing letters, sending statements, and all the cleaning. Then my coworker keeps throwing little tasks my way, saying “if you’re bored…” (If they take 30 seconds, I do them. If they take 31+ seconds, I throw them back at him.)
  • I’ve been working 10 hours a week more than normal for three weeks now, and I still can’t clear my desk at the end of the day. I miss that!
  • Oh, I need to update the website. Oops.
  • I am underpaid, and 2/3 of my board members don’t even know how much I do. The third knows the broad strokes, but not exactly how much work goes into the things I produce at board meetings.
  • Also, the election (that I had to fix and redo with the state election board – thanks, former clerk) filing period is Monday-Wednesday, and I did most of the paperwork for 2/3 of the people expected to file.

On the volunteer fire department:

  • I had to take a break from the numbers and legalese, so I created a couple different designs for fire department shirts, and got the green light to order some this afternoon.
  • They’ll be here before the Pioneer Days parade, which is a week from Saturday, and I’ll be there, throwing candy off a firetruck.
  • I also got the FD a small grant for wildland gear and had an unexpected photo op, so the grantor could get some good press.
  • Somehow, I had time and energy to help put together a large toolbox that’s going to live in the fire station.

At home:

  • Renovation on the farmhouse continues, and I need to update my Imgur album.
  • I have two medical appointments next week, on Tuesday and Friday.
  • I’m down 28 lbs. since January 10. My partner worries that I’m skipping meals, but I’m really not. Just watching calories.
  • Retail therapy bit again recently. I feel like I need to impose some sort of rule on myself, but I don’t have the capacity to imagine what that would be.
  • As a result of that, I feel guilty that I need to spend some money on new jeans that fit. There’s only so much a belt can do… And I really don’t want to go into stores to try them on, but I need to. Ugh.
  • The divorce is probably going to be on the May docket, and I’m internally panicking about having to go do that alone. (Anxiety can be a bitch, but I’m glad mine is fairly specific.)
  • I had to talk my dad out of accepting an interview request for a counseling job in the Brooks Range of Alaska. He’s in his late 80s, it’s okay to retire!
  • I’m keeping up with pet responsibilities but everything else is in basic maintenance mode. Keep the status quo, don’t let it get worse, but can’t do anything to improve it.
  • I’ve been in a depressive episode for almost two weeks, and only realized it when all I could do at home was the abovementioned maintenance.
  • I watch videos or play simple games. I can’t even read.
  • And… I can’t sleep, for all the thinking.


  1. You are going through a LOT! And that town wouldn’t be able to get by without you.

    It couldn’t hurt to, during a workday when you have a minute here or there, write down everything you do in a day, every day, for one week. And see about negotiating a raise with benefits.

    NO ONE ELSE will put in the amount of work you do. They would need to hire 3-5 other people for the work you do individually.

    Is your area still making people physically go to court? Or will it be like a zoom meeting?

    1. Author

      Nah, if it were a Zoom meeting, I wouldn’t have any problem with it. I just hate with every fiber of my being having to go to a place I’ve never been for a situation I’ve never been through.

Comments are closed.