A house is not a home by default

I’ve been having significant issues tackling the clutter and mess in the house since I had it all to myself. It just seems like a monumental job and less than half of it is mine.

I find it ironic that I can’t seem to do this when I took care of the hoarding situation at the farmhouse. This isn’t nearly as bad, but inertia is a strong force.

Gabrielle suggested I write about the space and how it has served me. I don’t know if I can do this with much positivity, but Libras are all about balance anyway, right? Let’s go.

  • This was a place where dreams died quiet, despairing deaths. So many improvements were discussed, attempted, and even started and yet… here it is, largely unchanged. With a new roof because he didn’t have to do that himself.
  • This was the place where Starzin finally decided to adopt me. He walked in like he owned the place, jumped up on the bed, and went to sleep. That wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t lived in town.
  • This house taught me how to cleanse the energy of a space. When we moved in, there was a dark angry snarl in one spot, and it didn’t want to move. I forced it out. Now there’s a dark angry snarl in a different spot, and she leaves sometimes, and becomes brighter and much less angry.
  • This house sheltered me as I replaced so many things lost in the fire a year prior to moving here.
  • If we hadn’t bought this house, I doubt I would’ve moved back to this town until it was too late for a lot of things. My life has always been charmed, and leads me to unexpected things. Being here has been important for several reasons.

I have an improved relationship with my family. I re-met my coworker that led to re-meeting my partner. Again, Starzin came into my life, and I’m so grateful he did. And I fully believe that because I needed an anchor for Starzin at the farm, Cinnamon showed up out of nowhere and stayed.

I was in the right place at the right time to accidentally hear about my former AM job’s opening and apply on the last possible day. This has led me to knowing so many people I wouldn’t know otherwise. And that job led me to Gabrielle, who was an amazingly positive ally through The Year We Do Not Name.

Good has happened as a result of being here, but I’m so excited that I don’t have to stay much longer. Maybe that’s the real motivation I need to hold onto.


  1. I love this so much. I am so thankful that you have been able to balance all the shit with some really great things that have also happen as a result.

    As I’ve said so many times already… I’m really excited to see what comes next for you.

    PS: Those angry spots you talked about sound intriguing!!!

  2. Because the last thing you want to deal with after the farmhouse is MORE cleaning and organizing! As I say all the time, the amount of progress you’ve done in merely 6 months?? Superhuman!!

    I can’t even fathom what you’ll accomplish in the next 6 months!

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