End of Year Journal

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The Calm app prompted this end of year journal. I answered some of these questions in my last post, but there’s a few things I’d like to note.

2020 Reflections

  • What challenges did you face? You mean aside from everything newsworthy that fomented strong opposing opinions in practically everyone? I spent six months torturing myself with questions through every waking moment that wasn’t otherwise occupied.

  • What lessons did you learn? See previous post.

  • How did you grow? Somewhere along the way, I’ve dropped any suicidal ideation. I’m amazed it never cropped up this year.

  • How did your heart break? I think we know this. I’ll just say “devastatingly.”

  • How did your heart open? Cautiously. Tentatively. Doubtfully. But the point is, it did, or at least, started.

  • What do you want to remember? A bright sunny morning in April, driving west on the loop around Amarillo. We were talking and laughing and singing along to the radio. It was the last time (almost) everything was okay.

  • What do you want to celebrate? My inner circle of people: I have an excellent support system, and am entirely grateful to them.

2021 Intentions

  • How do you want to approach 2021? Fearlessly. I’ve harbored so much fear over 2020, and I refuse to be ruled by it.

  • What qualities do you want to cultivate? Independence.

  • What do you want to let go of? So much pain and trauma.

  • How do you want to grow? I need to renew my comfort in solitude.

  • How do you want to take care of yourself? By focusing on the things I need, then the things that bring me joy. I have to remember to make time for them.

  • How will you commit to yourself? Mindfully. I’ll have to remind myself that it’s not selfish to take care of myself first.

  • Where will you pour your attention? Home and family, including chosen family. I find it difficult to not get distracted and consumed with work or other projects, and I need to manage my priorities more carefully.

  • What habits or practices nourish you? Literally, eating well. It’s an obvious choice, but one that’s sometimes difficult to make. I often feel like I alone am not worth the effort, and that has to change.