I feel like everything is going so well, but somehow, I’m only hanging onto my life by my fingernails. I’m not suicidal or anything like that, I’m just drowning. My partner and I are engaged, and every day since he asked, I’ve been positively joyous about it. It isn’t fading
I’m decidedly not okay sometimes, and I can’t quite identify what I’m feeling or what caused it. I’m just writing my stream of consciousness, hoping it’ll help. Mom was more forgetful than usual today, but she was cheerful about it. It rips me apart to lose her inch by inch.
Since 2020 screwed with my sense of time, I haven’t been able to regain it. Because so many things have changed since I last wrote, I was sure it had been months – plural – since I’d written anything here. Things are going suspiciously well again, with the exception of
Every time I think I get a handle on what my new normal is, it changes. My adaptability skills are being tested, and I’m doing okay with that. It just takes some time for my brain to catch up to reality. Everything is going suspiciously well. Work isn’t as frustrating
I feel like the lake is actively welcoming me back. I walked halfway around it this evening, making some zen moments videos like this one. I kept finding wishing stones. One after another, after another. I ended up with six. Normal is finding one per walk around the whole lake.
Last night, I was having another downward spiral and talking through it with my partner. As I worked through the things I felt I needed to say, which included at least three apologies, I realized that the source of this problem was my self esteem. Because of things I said
On May 7, right at 8:00 in the morning, the judge began my divorce proceedings. By 8:09 am, it was finished, and I’d filed the final paperwork, walked down the stairs, and out the door. I get warnings from people who have been divorced: “It’ll hit you eventually.” “It’ll come
For the first time in what feels like forever – in reality, since the onset of RA/fibro – I’m having trouble falling asleep. I have no trouble falling asleep on my partner while watching wonderfully weird tv, but settling down at bedtime is a different story. At work: I rewrote