Brain Dump

I don’t know whether my brain fog is caused by my RA or by my RA meds, because they basically started at the same time, and the meds haven’t changed that much since. I do know that it creeps in at the most inconvenient times, and routine is the only thing that saves me.

I’m trying to get back into a routine since I left the AM job, but it’s so difficult. Last week, I had a day with training for the PM job that began early at home, and lasted until 4, so I didn’t even go into the office that day. I have also had a couple days that started early due to pressing tech support matters. And this morning was a combination of tech support and payroll. Work doesn’t start for another few hours.

This week, I just want everything to settle down and let me figure out what the hell I’m doing. Some brief thoughts:

  • I have been a lot more inspired to create this past week, and have been working on an art journal of my trip to Colorado. It’s something I can pick up, do a little, and set aside again whenever I want. It’s staying on my desk, so it’s at hand when I have a minute, and I feel like it’ll be a project I actually finish. (I have crafts-related-ADD.)
  • I’ve also been collecting a lot of research for a writing project that’s been simmering in the back of my mind for years. I believe I have all the hard copy information I need at hand, and have a plan to bullet journal the information I’ll rely on the most. This writing project involves a lot of history so I have to build up my foundation of the setting before I can get into the actual writing.
  • My therapist is on vacation until tomorrow, so this past week, I’ve been thinking about what she’d likely counsel me to do to conquer this lack of routine and all the changes. Prioritize. Focus on one thing at a time. Give yourself reminders. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Believe that things will settle down again. It’s helping, but I still miss her.
  • This Saturday is bursting with possibility, not for me, but for my partner, and I’m intensely curious as to what new information will be revealed. I’m maintaining a position of neutral support, no matter what it brings, but I can’t help but wonder what comes next.
  • I’m ever-conscious of the drop in pay I’ve taken, and what each purchase really means. It’s difficult to change habits, but I’m considering a strict no-buy period while I evaluate the budget and see if my PM job will go full time next month.

In general, I feel that I’m outwardly handling the changes well, but inwardly, I’m a fucking mess. I can start addressing that once things feel like routine again.