One winter’s night, there was a rent in the clouds directly above, and looking straight up into nothingness, I could feel the cold of the universe pouring down upon me.   That’s not how thermodynamics works. Logical Me knows that, but you won’t convince Emotional Me that I couldn’t feelContinue Reading

On the first, Cody and I walked around the place, talking about future plans, much like we did last January. While the house renovation has slowed down some this last year, we did accomplish a lot. My favorite part of these conversations are when he asks,  for example, “What wouldContinue Reading

I feel like everything is going so well, but somehow, I’m only hanging onto my life by my fingernails. I’m not suicidal or anything like that, I’m just drowning. My partner and I are engaged, and every day since he asked, I’ve been positively joyous about it. It isn’t fadingContinue Reading

I’m decidedly not okay sometimes, and I can’t quite identify what I’m feeling or what caused it. I’m just writing my stream of consciousness, hoping it’ll help. Mom was more forgetful than usual today, but she was cheerful about it. It rips me apart to lose her inch by inch.Continue Reading

I feel like the lake is actively welcoming me back. I walked halfway around it this evening, making some zen moments videos like this one. I kept finding wishing stones. One after another, after another. I ended up with six. Normal is finding one per walk around the whole lake.Continue Reading

I had a realization yesterday that shook me to my core: I’m actually starting to believe that I’m going to live in the farmhouse. As I told my partner, up until this point, it was a fun thought experiment, but in the back of my mind, I fully expected SomethingContinue Reading

Come now the flood for you have no idea how long I can hold my breath. Around this time last year, I wrote Tyler Knott Gregson’s poem into a letter to a dear friend. I feel that in the months since then, the flood came, and even I didn’t realizeContinue Reading

Steve doesn’t live here anymore. Thoughout this whole separation and all that came before it, I have been more than fair, more than generous, because I still cared about him as a person. I only had one request: that he not contact the woman he cheated with until I’d movedContinue Reading